Girls CAN tell if you’re looking at their boobs

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I have officially never been a woman. There was I brief period when I was a new born that I was both man and woman, but the doctors took care of that quick. Whew. But I do know this, women can tell if your looking at their boobs.

How do I know this? Adult acne syndrome.

Not long ago, I had the biggest pimple of my life. Huge. Red. Pussy (meaning containing puss, not he, one who resembles a vagina). I think that’s how you spell it anyway. Anyhow. A huge pimple. Right on the point of my chin. Mount Whitmore.

All my life I had been a tit looker. A boob glancer. A melon beholder. I thought I had been staring covertly. Turns out, women could see me oogling their chests my whole life. Good lord.

Let’s get back to how I know they can tell. Like I said, I had the biggest pimple in Texas history, and I had to go to work waiting tables, an industry known for not pulling any punches.

Hey man, nice pimple!

Hey Whitmore, what the fuck is that thing on your face?

John, did you staple a scab to your chin and let it get infected?

Those are some examples of what fellow waiters will say to you. They’re a good people but don’t know how to compliment a good zit.

But throughout the night, I had noticed my customers staring at it. Over the course of the evening I heard a couple more jabs at my pimple. People would try to look me in the eyes and they could not stop staring at my pimple on my chin. If this tiny breast on my chin is getting looks, women surely know we are looking at their street rockets. WOMEN KNOW WE ARE LOOKING.

Gentlemen, back to the drawing tables. We must devise a new plan.

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